No More Shame in Having Prison Connections
by Jean Butler

For those of you who forget that the incarcerated humans in this country
are indeed just that - human - I'd like you to think on this the next
time you talk about "inmates, criminals, convicts, etc." These humans
have families and those who love them, despite whatever they did. Look
around you and wonder, because this is who we are:
We take care of your children and grandchildren in nursery school.
We give them shots in the doctor's office.
We're dental assistants, school teachers and Sunday school teachers.
We stand behind you in the grocery line.
We prepare your medicine in the drugstore.
We work in banks, approve your loans and service your insurance claims.
We work for newspapers and television and radio stations.
We read your electric meters and water meters.
We are your landlords and your neighbors.
We take care of your elderly parents in nursing homes.
We're nurses, lab technicians and Wry technicians.
We own beauty shops, flower shops and printing shops.
We're welders, plumbers and tree trimmers.
We work for the Internal Revenue Service, the State Department, the
courthouse, schools, churches, drugstores and toy stores.
We're lawyers, legal secretaries, school board members and school-bus
drivers.
We prepare meals for your children in school.
We're city council members and bank tellers.
We process your checking account and savings account.
We work at your Social Security office and your insurance company.
We take care of your IRA, stocks and bonds.
We sell your children bikes, school supplies, clothes, shoes, and
eyeglasses.
We repair your cars.
We're real-estate agents, car dealers, college professors, safety
engineers and ranchers.
We work at Wal-Mart and Kmart and sell Avon products.
We're not all "on welfare," no matter what the government would like you
to think.
There are 2 million people in prison in America, and twice that many are
on parole and probation. Add in mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers,
aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends, and you're touching about 16
million people affected by the prison system in the United States.
We're tired of letting ourselves feel humiliated or embarrassed because
our loved one is in prison. We did nothing wrong. We're tired of fearing
the loss of our jobs or evictions from our housing should anyone find out
we have a loved one in prison. We're tired of being made to feel inferior
or unwelcome in churches, clubs, organizations or society in general
simply because we refuse to abandon our loved ones.
We're ready to unite, to come out of hiding and openly support each other
and our loved ones. We're ready to speak out against the "they deserve
what they get" attitude we hear you talk about in stores, lines and
restaurants.
We number in the millions. We're everywhere, in every state, county, city
and town. We may even live next door to you. Sixteen million (or more).

Nice people at the library and what they say:



"You're a cheap bastard!" (county took away drop off ballot boxes, nothing to do with the library or the library assistant being accused of frugality)



"You are the devil in disguise" (said to same library assistant because she smiles a lot)

Take a librarian to lunch
You know that she deserves it.
Ascertain her favorite food,
And find a place that serves it.

Seek out, too, an ambiance
That you are sure will suit her.
Some place that bans all little kids
And where there's no computer.

Serve her with her favorite drink:
Champagne? Or something diet?
And make it clear that, at this meal,
There are no rules on quiet.

Ask her to tell you of her job:
Which books are circulating?
Which patron said what funny thing?
You’ll find it fascinating.

But do leave promptly when you’ve shared
Good talk and drink and food.
Librarians must be back when due
And may not be renewed.

N.B. Nothing here should be construed as precluding the taking of a male librarian to lunch.

(Who wrote this? twasn't me)

THINGS THAT ARE SO MUCH EASIER TO BUY THESE DAYS:

Ear plugs
Gluten free foods
Vibrators (in your nearby drugstore probably!)
Machines to print out digital pics

THINGS HARD TO BUY

Record players
Books on cassette
Lemon-broiled tempeh

Hey, Barbara

Yes, I'm on Facebook. I deleted my Myspace page a little while ago. Facebook has helped me feel in touch with my niece and nephew who I haven't talked to since the lawsuit (the oldest kid just had her first baby and posted photos of baby Liam). I just sent a friend request to your hubbie. Damn, he has a lot of FB friends! I only have 49.

I get all sorts of interesting news and links and poems and recipes. One drawback is the games they have on there that your friends may become addicted to and post news of their winnings and losses on your Wall, Mafia Wars and FarmVille. I just learned how to hide results of the games! Hooray!

It seems like in every group of "older" people we end up in a discussion of Facebook. I don't get how some people can spend 3 hours signing up. It's so easy! Discussions of privacy always ensue, and then the obligatory discussion of wasting your precious time on computer sites. That last one I get but Facebook doesn't usually take much time. I can recommend it, I think!

Why do people (who should know better, people on NPR even) say "women's movement" when it should be women's LIBERATION movement? Or, if you can't say that many words, how about one fairly short one, feminism? They will say "civil rights movement" and "gay rights" but "women's movement"
sounds like someone is having trouble with their bowels. Are we so unconsciously uncomfortable with the concept of women having rights? Or just unaware of what the movement was actually called...it's like saying you like women's magazines. Are we talking Ms. or Glamour? There's a huge difference!

Just read The World Without Us by Alan Weisman, right on the heels of Blindness by Jose Saramago (Portuguese Nobel prize winner). It's a very interesting combo. In the latter all veneer of "civilization" drops right off when everyone is struck by the same ailment, blindness. Talk about a dog eat dog society! The book is fiction, of course, but makes you think about all our conventions we rely so much on that actually require a lot of "man" power: electricity, government, stores, plumbing, etc.
The World Without Us is an examination of how long it would take the earth to recover from the damage we have already done. He started with Chernobyl and what plants and species jumped in when the nuclear power plant was abandoned. He then extended it to the whole world! It is awesome. He covers everything, including subways (and how long it would take for them to collapse and get filled up with water--not long at all), bridges, cities, etc. In a way it feels good to think that the earth could survive us but of course at times it will take a very very long time: to recover from the chromium and lead we have left in the soil would take 70,000 years, for example. A guy at a party ventured forth a guess of 100 years. Ha! Only one person's lifetime! How naive. He really needs to read this book. We all do!

ANOTHER QUAGMIRE

Ah, the good old days! Not even 4,000 dead! And who is counting Iraqi lives? Not our usual media but only http://www.iraqbodycount.org/ and the current count is:
91,466-99,861 (a stunned silence)

Obama is great; it's so wonderful to have an intelligent person as the prez, and so cool that he is a person of color and has such a varied background.
But why does he want to send more troops to Afghanistan? Can we stop the Taliban? What is the goal? This worries me and others. From Alternet.org
Afghanistan is no longer a downward spiral, it has hit rock bottom. It is, as Bob Herbert put it in The New York Times this week, a total quagmire, one that we're up to our waists in thanks to Bush.
http://www.alternet.org/blogs/video/118732/we_can%27t_afford_to_sink_deeper_into_the_afghan_quagmire/

AM I JUST GETTING OLD OR WHAT?

These days when you hear someone saying "hello" in the park, chances are better that they are talking on their cell phone then that they are greeting you. And when they repeat it over and over you know it's a bad connection and you are so annoyed.

Our devices cut us off from communication with a person actually in front of you. When I'm walking in the park with my iPod I don't get greeted very often (okay, half the people walking are either on the phone or listening to something, just like me). It's so different when I am walking with a friend and smiling and talking--I get greeted constantly!

The isolation worries me. I have enough periods of isolation in my life, days when I don't work and might not talk to anyone all day except for "paper or plastic?" in the store, and here in Seattle I think there's now a law against plastic bags being given out by stores (or is that being contested).

There is a great new web series on polyamory! Not a documentary, it's a drama. Each episode is only 5-6 minutes so it doesn't take a lot of time but it's funny and poignant. It's meaningful for all types of relationships and has some local interest, such as mentions of Microsoft employees. Watch it on YouTube!
FAMILY - a comic web series of alternative love.
http://www.youtube.com/user/3dogpictures

I'm sorry you are upset about the racial thing you wrote about. I can see why you think black people shouldn't say the “N word” but you don't seem to understand that it's different for them to use that word. It really depends on how it is used and it is usually used as a very hateful word by white people. It's just like lesbians using the word “dyke” or gay men using the word “faggot”. They don't use it in a hateful way; they are trying to turn a hateful word into something else that lowers the intensity of the word. I don't know if I'm explaining it very well! But if you wanted to use that word with a person of color you would have to ask if it's okay with him/her/them. That's only polite, really, and if you are really friends you would be able to communicate that you don't mean it in a bad way. But to my way of thinking it is way easier just to avoid the word. If THEY want to use that word with each other, they can and they are allowed. As a white male, perhaps it's hard for you to understand. But I really disagree with you that only black people are racist (you said “racial” but I think you meant “racist”). I see racism all the time from white people. I do experience people of color “pulling the race card” at the library a lot; they understandably have a chip on their shoulder since we are still such a racist society, despite Obama's win (and he is BI racial and very light skinned) and they are quick to claim that they are getting unfair treatment because of their color. And staff are frustrated by that and feel it's unfair. So maybe this is what you were trying to say. It's a helluva lot deeper than using the “n” word!

She always was single, terminally single, and didn't understand why no one fixed her up with someone. Everyone seemed too afraid. They were afraid the couple wouldn't get along and would blame them. Or maybe they just didn't care, didn't want to risk either friendship, or didn't know anyone suitable. She had a hard time understanding that since she herself loved playing matchmaker. She only had one success story it's true and they only lasted half a year. She had been helping her less computer literate friend post an ad in “Dreg's List” and then field and answer the ads. Up came a recognizable photo, a man she had gone out with five times. Although they got along, it wasn't exactly fireworks. She finally kissed him very lightly and that was the extent of their physical familiarity. So she couldn't really recommend him as a lover which was just as well! And when she thought he looked “weird” in his photo, the man in the photo being seated in a boat so perhaps he looked dwarfish, she was able to talk her friend into answering his message to her ad. It didn't hurt that her work friends also thought he looked nice or even handsome in the photo.


On the other hand, she'd resisted her Indian friend's desire to match a geeky slight guy at work with an overweight student friend of hers. The friend was Christian and the guy was not religious. The guy was so unassuming and lacking in self-confidence that he would never have had the nerve to call the woman so what were they to do? Her friend was in town for only a few days so the timing was impossible. Besides that, this friend like so many Indians was doing an arranged marriage so did she really know much about relationships, never having been in one?

Quote from my father after I gave him a puzzled look on the start of his lecture about how we are all descended from 150 original people*:

"Is that a smirk or a sneer?" Why are those my only choices?

*Wikipedia: "Some scientists believe that only a few people left Africa in a single migration that went on to populate the rest of the world. It has been estimated that from a population of 2,000 to 5,000 in Africa, only a small group of possibly 150 people crossed the Red Sea. This is because, of all the lineages present in Africa, only the daughters of one lineage, L3, are found outside Africa. Had there been several migrations one would expect more than one African lineage outside Africa. L3's daughters, the M and N lineages, are found in very low frequencies in Africa and appear to be recent arrivals. A possible explanation is that these mutations occurred in East Africa shortly before the exodus and by the founder effect became the dominant haplogroups after the exodus from Africa. Alternatively, the mutations may have arisen shortly after the exodus from Africa."

OUTMODED CONVENTIONS

You sound like a broken record.



telephones:

there are no longer phone booths



you no longer dial the telephone

CUDDLE PARTIES? HOW BIZARRE!

Have you heard of Cuddle parties? Scott Baio, the actor, went to one in NYC and did a YouTube video on it. He didn't want to cuddle with any men (horrors!) but he did let a "small person" massage a woman's foot while it was perched on his chest. How liberal of him!





It's really very cool. You bring pajamas and change into them. Then comes a lot of rules, 45 minutes of them, and you practice saying "no". I like rule #7, No Dry Humping. Well, I don't actually see that on their website so maybe they realized people (uh, men) are too cool for that. Yeah, right.





So, no sex? What's the point, sez some men I've mentioned it to. Yeah, they're the younger types with testosterone poisoning. There is SO much value and comfort in touch! There are SO many of us who are touch deprived!

I just wish it didn't cost so much! Yes, people are trained and trying to make some kind of living from it, but it shouldn't cost $30 to get a little touch!

IS READING GOING OUT OF STYLE?

I have kept a list of all the movies I've seen and books I've read since 1985. On paper and occasionally I update a list but since the computer keeps changing or the program changes I have had to start over a few times in the 22 years I've been doing it. Yikes, that's a long time! My goal is to read more books than see movies but do I count books on tape/CD (and now ebooks)? Sure, why not! A woman in my book group doesn't even read the book if she can help it; she prefers to listen to it!

A recent study says that people are reading less and less. The most depressing statistic: "Almost half of Americans between ages 18 and 24 never read books for pleasure." (a new report released today by the National Endowment for the Arts, November 19, 2007)

Ian Frazier wrote a hilarious piece for the Nov. 13, 2006 New Yorker titled, "Downpaging". In it he talks about buying books as a terrible addiction that is bankrupting people. Here is a sample from it:

"Few people know that the leading cause of personal bankruptcy in the United States is the ‘Clan of the Cave Bear’ novels. You overspend on one, and, just when you begin to dig yourself out, the next installment comes along."

The Sex-Positive Librarian Will See You Now is a new posting on Susie Bright's blog, the sex educator. She interviews Steve Harsin, a librarian, about sex books and censorship in public libraries. You can hear an interview. It's fun!

http://susiebright.blogs.com/
see October 21st entry

Tango

postcard from 1919

Daniel Trenner

It looks great but it is supposed to be one of the hardest dances to learn. Yet men who don't even dance much say they want to learn it. I wonder why...could it be that it's so sexy and you have to dance very closely? But I think that is a mistaken notion because there are some tango dancers who have the usual separation and others who are so close they can't look at each other in the eye.

This is what one tango teacher has to say:
"Many men are attracted to the elegant masculinity of male Tango dancers. Men who love football will recognise many of the signature moves of great football players mirrored in the Tango, and those who enjoy Martial Arts find that there are many resonances with the Tango. In fact Tango has been described as the tender Martial Art. And they get to practice it you in their arms!"
http://www.totaltango.com/acatalog/tango_beginners_guide_42.html



Wikipedia has a lot to say about the tango but I found this:

"Argentine Tango consists of a variety of styles that developed in different regions and eras of Argentina and Uruguay. The dance developed in response to many cultural elements, such as the crowding of the venue and even the fashions in clothing. The styles are mostly danced in either open embrace, where lead and follow connect at arms length, or close embrace, where the lead and follow connect chest-to-chest."

A LONG WEEKEND IN BELLINGHAM

I went up to Bellingham with the boyfriend and we broke up. It's a romantic setting for a break up! Actually, we were in the Travellodge which was expensive and a bit shoddy. Damn, I never even got the opportunity to call him a boyfriend! We were going to look for a better motel but inertia took hold. The pool was small and in the middle of the parking lot, decorated with wire and one lone life preserver. Ah, maybe it was the fault of the motel.

The photo was taken in Fairhaven, a sweet historic district. I like the Colophon Cafe and the attached bookstore. There is a plaza with live music on Sunday afternoons and outdoor movies at night.

Chuckanut Drive is very close by and offers many good hikes in the woods. Of course, if you want more there is Mt Baker not that far away.

IF YOU DON'T TALK TO YOUR CAT ABOUT CATNIP, WHO WILL? (an adult man of color)

I GOT OUT OF BED FOR THIS? (a thirty-something man)

YOU ARE ENTITLED TO MY OPINION (a male teenager)

IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, LOOK IN THE TRASH FOR THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL (a boy)

MID-LIFE CRISIS IN PROGRESS (young Hispanic male)

These are t-shirts that people in the library are wearing

People seem to be expressing themselves through their t-shirts more and more. I saw a young woman with a shirt that had the UPS logo but it said OOPS and in small print underneath, lost your package.

I remember the shirts in Latin America were hilarious, at times by mistake. Sometimes the juxtaptosition of the wearer and the slogan were funny.

It is getting harder and harder to find clothes without advertising some company.